EP14 - Kicking Perfectionism to the Curb, Once and For All!
Perfection: the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects
Perfectionism: refusal to accept any standard short of perfection
I can’t be the only one that always thought perfectionism was something to strive for! Perfection meant success, accomplishment and high achievement. I even recall at times in an inward way almost bragging about how good that “perfection” made me feel! Some might even list it as a weakness on a job interview to indirectly say how hard-working we are without seeming pretentious.
Why do we need to kick Perfectionism to the curb?
A Defense Mechanism of Protection It does help to realize that perfectionism is not necessarily a positive trait that we should all be aiming to achieve, contrary to popular belief.
But instead, as Brene Brown calls it, perfectionism is a heavy-as-shit 20-ton shield that we carry around to protect our hearts and our inner child from shame, criticism, and judgment. And let me tell you – that shit gets real heavy with time. Researchers many times to divide perfectionists into two groups
1. Those that are self-motivated and set higher standards for their own personal motivation
2. Those that use perfectionism as a way to deal with the fears of being judged or criticized. Embrace 'Good Enough' to Lift The Weight Of Perfectionism Accepting good enough means allowing outsiders to see the real you.
It means allowing yourself to accept: the messy, the lost, the not-having-all-together-all-the-time, you. It's opening your heart and exposing your true self to the world just as you are.
Imperfectly perfect. But you know what's on the other side of that pain?
Beautiful growth.
Authenticity.
Love.
Courage.
And these are all much better feelings than the neurotic tendencies that perfectionism places on you. It is important to remember to you are not alone!
Let’s wrap this episode up by talking about 5 steps to kick perfectionism to the curb, once and for all!
1. Begin Owning Our Stories – Our Messy-Sometimes-Chaotic-Mostly-Not-Perfect Intimate Stories. It's time we see the bigger picture and change our perspective.
2. Instead of seeing a messy imperfect home, be grateful for the life that thrives within it.
3. Challenge your perfectionistic thoughts and beliefs.
4. Set realistic goals. Perfectionists often set unrealistic goals for themselves.
5. Celebrate your successes. Perfectionists often focus on their failures and shortcomings.
Here are some 3 tips to become your best version of you and achieve all the goals you desire!
1. Find a friend to confide in when you’re feeling the pressure of perfectionism.
2. Find a professional.
3. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and when you find the perfectionism flooding in, snap the rubber brand to remind you the benefits of being true to you!
EP13 - How to Stay Focused on Your Goals and Achieve Success!
Goal: the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.
Success: the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.
Every successful person thats been my mentor, has always talked about goals to continue to drive the results each of us are looking for. Whether it’s in our careers, business or personal achievements. Unfortunately, we may not always hit the mark.
Why do we fall short?
1. Set clear and specific goals. What do you want to achieve? When do you want to achieve it? The more specific your goals are, the easier it will be to stay focused on them. Ever hear of SMART goals, one missing piece to the puzzle could be the reason why you didn’t achieve the goal we set out.
S Specific
M Measurable
A Achievable (not pie in the sky, I wish, hope and pray)
R Relevant
T Time bound
2. Break down your goals into smaller steps. This will make them seem less daunting and more achievable.
3. Create a plan of action. What steps do you need to take to achieve your goals?
4. Eliminate distractions. This means turning off your phone, closing your email, and finding a quiet place to work.
5. Take breaks. It's important to take breaks throughout the day to avoid burnout.
6. Reward yourself for your accomplishments.
7. Don't give up. It is important to remember to you are not alone!
Let’s wrap this episode up by talking about 7 step process for achieving your goals and milestones you set for yourself!
1. Think positive about your goals and outcomes several times throughout the day. This may take a very conscious effort, so it may take writing in on a card you keep in your purse or wallet to pull out several times a day.
2. Take a look at what habits achieving your goal will require.
3. What one new habit will you begin today to work toward your goal?
4. Is there anyone, a group or support you can reach out to either hold yourself accountable or that can lend help and support to achieving your goal?
5. Have the courage to reach out to the support you identified, and set a specific day to meet, either in person, or over the phone or video. This conversation should clearly state the support you are looking for from the.
6. Begin implementing another new behavior along with the first changed behavior as now your beginning to take the next step in achieving your goal!
7. Enjoy the journey by celebrating the wins no matter how bit or small and enjoy the personal growth and improvements ahead!
3 tips to become your best version of you and achieve all the goals you desire!
• Practice mindfulness.
• Find a mentor or coach.
• Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t hit the mark.
I would like to recognize Coco Gauff said she was overwhelmed with joy when she realized she won the U.S. Open women's final on Saturday and her victory "still doesn't feel real at all." The triumphant 19-year-old made history, becoming the youngest American to win the title since Serena Williams in 1999.
EP12 - The 3 P's of Letting Go: Pause, Pray, Proceed
What does it mean to let go? to stop holding or gripping (something or someone)
Reason why women we don’t let go of baggage from the past: There is no way in the world to maneuver this thing called life without first of all having baggage from the past, and the hardest thing many times is letting go of that to embrace the future!
1. Fear of change. Letting go of baggage from the past can be a big change, and it can be scary to take that step.
2. Avoidance. Sometimes, it's easier to just avoid dealing with the past than it is to face it head-on.
3. Guilt. Women may feel guilty about letting go of the past, especially if they feel like they are abandoning someone or something important. 4.Pain. Letting go of baggage can be painful, both emotionally and physically.
5. Low self-esteem. Women with low self-esteem may not believe that they deserve to be happy or to let go of the past.
6. Trauma. If a woman has experienced trauma in the past, it can be difficult to let go of the associated baggage.
7. Uncertainty. Women may be afraid of what the future holds if they let go of the past. It can be more comfortable to stay in our poopy diaper than move forward with change.
8. Lack of support. If a woman does not have a strong support system, it can be difficult to let go of baggage.
It is important to remember to you are not alone! Let’s wrap this episode up by talking about 3 ways to as they say, feel the fear and do it anyway!
1. Never Lose Hope. Have appreciation for the small things.
2. Faith. In something bigger than ourselves. Whether it’s God, A power greater than yourself, Higher Power, Etc.
3. 3 P’s - Pause, Pray/Process, Proceed. Pause – getting in touch with yourself. Connecting in a spiritual or faith-based way that is right for you. Pray/Process – Rely on something greater than yourself to help you through. We ultimately take the first or second step, but no matter what your beliefs are, I believe there is a master plan bigger than I can imagine, and the infinite is working for my benefit behind the scenes. Proceed – Take the next step, in faith and confidence because we have chosen to act rather than react.
This brings coping tools and mechanisms. Deep breathing, meditation, yoga, exercise, reaching out when needing someone to talk to. One last thought before we part, many of you may be aware that the late great Jimmy Buffet recently passed away and he always looked to keep the fun and laid back atmosphere in his music. We can all learn from that lighthearted perspective by not being to serious with ourselves and life. Let’s live our best life TODAY!
EP11 - Women Rising Up Breaking the Chains of Abuse
What is Abuse? Cruel and violent treatment of a person.
Then we have to break it down even further to really get to what might constitute abuse.
There are 6 different types of abuse. Physical, Sexual, Verbal/Emotional, Mental/Psychological, Financial/Economic, Cultural/Identity.
At the end of the day, it comes down to Power and Control!
Talk about the Johnny Depp /Amber Heard Trial in 2022 If you are aware of the Defamation of Character Lawsuit - Defamation of character is defined as a false statement of fact that causes the victim some type of harm. The jury unanimously found that Heard could not substantiate her allegations against Depp and that she knew her claims of abuse were false when she published her 2018 essay.
The Supreme Court ruled in 1964 that defamation suits brought by notable figures must not only prove the claims were false and caused them damage, but that the person who made the defamatory statement did so with “actual malice.” More impactful for me watching was the testimony by Amber Heard and it was such a mockery of abuse. If the stories are accurate, I would classify it as abuse, however the way she testified, I couldn’t believe a word and became frustrated with it more and more. Reason why women don’t come forward when being abused: I know for those that have not been in abusive relationship it’s easy to not be able to understand these reasons.
From the outside looking in, it’s crazy, however until you’ve walked a mile in a survivor’s shoes you won’t understand.
• Fear of not being believed o Isolation: Survivors may feel isolated and alone, as they may be afraid to tell anyone about the abuse for fear of not being believed.
o Shame: Survivors may feel ashamed or embarrassed about the abuse, even though it is not their fault.
o Self-Blame. As a survivor trying to make sense of what was happening, we blame ourselves to try and make sense of it.
• Lack of support: Survivors may not have a supportive network of friends or family members who they can turn to for help.
• Codependency: Codependent people often have a strong need to please others and a fear of abandonment.
Find the link to an amazing book below! It is important to remember to you are not alone!
I want to wrap this episode up by talking about 3 keys to breaking the chains of abuse forever!
1. Acknowledge the abuse. The first step to breaking the chains of abuse is to acknowledge that you are being abused.
2. Get help. Once you have acknowledged the abuse, it is important to get help.
There are many resources available to help you, such as: a. The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE b. Childhelp USA: 1-800-422-4453 c. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE You can also get help online at RAINN's website: https://www.rainn.org
3. Create a safety plan. Once you have gotten help, it is important to create a safety plan. Let me know in the comments below how you plan to begin to self-advocate.
I am working on those I surround myself with so, go ahead, let me know what’s on your mind!
Co-Dependents Anonymous - (888) 444-2359 Nar-Anon - https://www.nar-anon.org/
Al-Anon/Alateen Hotline - 800-344-2666
Codependent No More by: Melody Beattie: https://amzn.to/3L2XB4W
This description contains affiliate links to products. I may receive a commission for purchases made through these links at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products I believe will provide value to my readers. Amazon Associates affiliate program. We earn commissions from qualifying purchases through Amazon links, at no extra cost to you.
EP10 - The Art of Self Advocacy
What is Self-Advocacy? to effectively communicate, convey, negotiate or assert his or her own interests, desires, needs and rights.
We all suffer from low self-esteem from time to time, or about one or two areas of our life occasionally, or for longer periods of time than we’d like!
• Gender stereotypes
• Fear of retaliation Lack of confidence
• Past experiences Fear of Violence
• Cultural norms
• Seeking Outside Approval It is important to remember to self-advocate.
However, there are 5 tips that we can do to improve our self-advocacy, such as:
• Find a mentor or role model.
• Challenge negative thoughts and beliefs.
• Build your confidence.
• Putting morals and values in place for yourself to know what crosses your line of “right or wrong” to help yourself know when a boundary has been crossed.
• There is always an option to find a support group or seek professional help.
EP9 - Low Self Esteem in Women How to Overcome It and Thrive
What is Self-Esteem? a confidence and satisfaction in oneself : SELF-RESPECT
We all suffer from low self-esteem from time to time, or about one or two areas of our life occasionally, or for longer periods of time than we’d like!
Here are the top 5 reason I have found that cause low self-esteem for us as women: Are you ready?
1. Negative body image. Women are often bombarded with images of unrealistic beauty standards, which can lead to negative body image and low self-esteem.
2. Comparison to others. Social media can make it easy to compare ourselves to others, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
3. Trauma or abuse. Experiencing trauma or abuse can have a lasting impact on self-esteem. If we have been hurt or mistreated by others, it can be difficult to believe in ourselves or our worth.
4. Negative self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves has a big impact on our self-esteem. If we are constantly putting ourselves down, it will be difficult to feel good about ourselves.
5. Low expectations. If we don't believe in ourselves or our abilities, it will be difficult to achieve our goals and feel good about ourselves.
However, there are 5 tips that we can do to improve our self-esteem, such as:
• Challenge negative thoughts.
• Focus on our strengths.
• Meditation can be a way to reconnect with our inner self and learn to envision and focus on our strengths surrounding a particular problem area or relationship.
• Surround ourselves with positive people.
• Seek professional help, therapy group, or support network.
Let me know in the comments below how you plan to begin to lift your self-esteem. I am working on those I surround myself with so, go ahead, let me know what’s on your mind!
EP8 - 9 Ingredients of Mental Toughness for Women
What is Unstoppable?
Impossible to stop or prevent.
9 Ingredients for Mental Toughness for Women: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming Unstoppable Resilience:
Women with mental toughness are able to bounce back from setbacks and challenges.
1. Self-confidence: Women with mental toughness believe in themselves and their abilities.
2. Optimism: Women with mental toughness have a positive outlook on life.
3. Discipline: Women with mental toughness are disciplined and focused.
4. Determination: Women with mental toughness are determined to succeed.
5. Resilience: Women with mental toughness are resilient.
6. Empathy: Women with mental toughness are empathetic.
7. Communication: Women with mental toughness are effective communicators.
8. Leadership: Women with mental toughness are natural leaders. 3 areas to build mental toughness with 3 tips for each area to get started. 9. Self-confidence
• Challenge yourself.
• Set achievable goals.
• Celebrate your successes. Optimism
• Focus on the positive.
• Practice gratitude.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
Discipline
• Set goals and make a plan.
• See the vision in your mind before you take action.
• Be consistent.
My challenge to you today, is now that we started with 3 of the 9 ingredients to build your mental toughness now it’s your turn to add to the list and expand your momentum into being more today than you were yesterday!
What I’ve been learning about more lately, is the body is stuck or addicted to the patterns of the past, which is why it is so incredibly hard to change the future or create new habits. The body is addicted to the emotions and the frequency of the patterns in our life, and we are now interrupting that pattern with new thoughts. If you haven’t realized it, our thoughts are the language of the brain, and our feelings are the language of the body. Believe it or not our body is honestly running our mind, not the other way around. To get to the core of it all, we have to get to the addictive patterns of our body to understand why we do the things we do.
EP7 - Moving From Stuck to Unstoppable
What is the true meaning of Stuck really?
Being unable to move from a particular position or place, or unable to change a situation.
• Fear of failure.
• Lack of self-confidence.
• Feeling overwhelmed.
• Not knowing what they want. If you are feeling stuck, it's important to remember that you are not alone.
Feeling stuck or unfulfilled can cause:
• Anxiety:
• Physical health problems
• Relationship problems
• Low self-esteem
I don’t like to gamble, but if there’s one thing I’m willing to bet on, it’s myself.-Beyonce
How to move from stuck to unstoppable:
• Set small, achievable goals.
• Take action, even if it's small.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help
• Celebrate your successes, no matter how small.
Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness. – Oprah Winfrey
FEAR
F – Face
E – Everything
A – And
R-Rise
3 steps to facing your FEAR so you can rise and move from Stuck to Unstoppable:
1. Acknowledge your feelings This may take some time for formulate what your feelings to begin moving beyond and forward. In your journal or on a any piece of paper, draw a line down the middle of the paper. On the left side write words describing your feelings, such as lonely, afraid, sad, etc. On the other side, write what you aspire that feeling to move into. Example; cared for by others, excited, joyful, and so on.
2. Identify the source of your stuckness. Over the past 10 years or so, I rely more strongly on my Astrological birth chart to help me become aware of what I may be dealing with at a certain moment or feelings I am having. If you’d like to learn more about your Astrological birth chart, let me know. I will be happy to talk more about your birth chart to help you get unstuck. If that’s not for your, in your journal or on a piece of paper, it’s now time to identify what we believe is causing these feelings. deb@allthingsshepodcast.com
3. Take action. One more piece of paper for the final step, which is what action are you going to take to change things starting right now? Example maybe, volunteering for an organization or cause you are passionate about, small exercise schedule at least 3 days a week, walk after the kids go to school.
Remember that it takes 21 days to change a habit? My challenge to you today, is to dare to do someone that will make you stretch just a little farther than today.
"Do something uncomfortable today by stepping out of your box. You don't have to settle for what you are- you get to create who you want to become." – Harold Walstein
EP6 - Take back your Power by taking Personal Responsibility in 3 easy steps
What is personal responsibility?
Merriam websters: Moral, legal, or mental accountability
Holding yourself accountable for your own actions and exercising self-control.
• Why is it important for women? By owning your actions and decisions, you gain confidence, purpose, and accountability.
• What are some challenges that women face in taking personal responsibility? Blame game: Someone has to be at fault or wrong. For many people, accepting blame is associated with admitting to being flawed, which can feel unacceptable and is one of the major reasons for blame transference. Why do we transfer blame? What do we gain? Feel better, we’ve won, and they’ve lost. What this can do is quickly turn into either a victim mindset or codependent where we now have to take care of that person that wronged us. We’ll talk in depth about that in another episode. Problems that can arise from lack of taking personal responsibility:
• Feeling stuck or unfulfilled. • Having difficulty achieving goals
• Being taken advantage of.
• Struggling in relationships.
• Having low self-esteem. How to create a habit of personal responsibility:
• The importance of setting goals and taking action.
Women need to be clear about what they want in life and then take steps to achieve their goals. This means setting specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals. It also means taking action and not waiting for things to happen to them.
• The power of self-awareness, and self-acceptance. Women need to be aware of their strengths and weaknesses, their values and priorities, and their personal goals. This self-awareness will help them make better decisions and take more effective action.
• The importance of taking care of oneself. This includes physical health, mental health, emotional health, and financial health. When women take care of themselves, they are better able to take care of others and achieve their goals.
• The need for support. Women need a strong support system of family, friends, and mentors. This support system can help them through difficult times and celebrate their successes.
T. Harv Ecker – Says how you do anything is how you Everything! In his Psychology Today article, Aaron Lazare observed that “apology is a show of strength.
It is an act of honesty because we admit we did wrong; an act of generosity, because it restores the self-concept of those we offended.
It offers hope for a renewed relationship and, who knows, possibly even a strengthened one.
The apology is an act of commitment because it consigns us to working at the relationship and at our self-development.
Finally, the apology is an act of courage because it subjects us to the emotional distress of shame and the risk of humiliation, rejection, and retaliation at the hands of the person we offended.
3 steps to begin today to take back personal responsibility:
1. Commit to starting today. If you don’t begin the change, nothing will change. One of my mentors Darren Hardy talks about the small changes an steps are what lead to big change. One small step is beginning.
2. Write positive affirmations to read in the morning as you start your day about taking personal responsibility. Example: I am accountable to me. I live within my integrity by taking personal responsibility. I make decisions that shape my life into what I truly desire.
3. At the end of the night, make a list of 5 things you are grateful for. It helps to end a day with gratitude in our minds and rest with positivity as the last thoughts in our minds.
EP5 - A Celebration of Everyday Joys of Being a Mother
From the simple comments, “you are the best mommy ever” to watching our children grow, spread their wings and fly, the joys of motherhood are countless. Reminders to stay present to experience the joys:
1. Be present when you can with your children.
2. Think about what they will recall as memories and not be concerned with the small things that do not affect the picture of your child’s life. 3. Enjoy the milestones they experience along their journey.
4. Feel confident in your values and beliefs when communicating on social media, because there is so much social noise today. Other mothers will question or put you down when inquiring about something on FB.
5. Realize we are all learning and growing even us as parents.
No matter what age we are, this is the first time we are embarking at this time on our journey called life, so patience and understanding is key. If you can follow these 3 Keys to find your joys of Motherhood each day will be filled with joy!
Grow in Grace – That can sound easy yet feel so difficult. Here’s how to get started and help staying focused about grace.
1. Practice gratitude. Take some time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for as a mother. This could include your children, your partner, your health, or even the simple things in life, like a warm bed or a delicious meal. Gratitude can help you to focus on the positive aspects of your life, even when things are tough.
2. Be kind to yourself. Motherhood is a demanding job, and it's easy to be hard on yourself. But it's important to remember that you're doing the best you can. Give yourself grace when you make mistakes, and celebrate your successes.
3. Connect with other mothers. Talking to other mothers who understand what you're going through can be a great way to feel supported and encouraged. Find a mothers' group, join an online forum, or simply reach out to a friend who is also a mother. Hit the Pause can be difficult if you are tired, hungry or angry.
These three steps to hit the pause button can go along way.
1. Be intentional about making time for yourself and your children. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, but it's important to make time for the things that are most important to you.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to ask for help from your partner, family, or friends. They can offer you support and practical help, which can free up some of your time and energy so that you can enjoy your motherhood journey more.
3. Remember that it's okay to say no. If you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, it's okay to say no to invitations or commitments. Taking care of yourself is important, and you don't have to feel guilty about saying no.
Finally, the last key to celebrate the everyday the joys of being a mother is live with no exceptions.
1. Let go of the idea of the perfect mother. There is no such thing as a perfect mother. Everyone makes mistakes, and that's okay. The important thing is to love your children unconditionally and to do your best.
2. Be present. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, but it's important to be present with your children. When you're with them, give them your full attention and focus on the moment.
3. Enjoy the moment. Motherhood is a fleeting moment in time. Don't get so caught up in the future or the past that you forget to enjoy the present moment. Take time each day to savor the joy of being a mother.
EP4 - Losing Yourself As a Woman Find Yourself Again
Are you feeling like you're losing yourself as a woman?
Do you feel like you're constantly putting the needs of others before your own? Are you struggling to find your identity and purpose?
If so, you're not alone. Many women experience this at some point in their lives. But it doesn't have to be this way. In this video, I'll share the signs that you're losing yourself, how to avoid it, and how to find yourself again.
Signs that you're losing yourself:
• You stop caring about how you look.
• Your complete life revolves around your kids, husband or significant other, aging parents, or work.
• You withdraw from activities and things you were once involved in.
• You no longer have the freedom you used to have.
• You're feeling depressed, anxious, or have low self-esteem. How to avoid losing yourself:
• Know yourself. What are your values? What are your interests? What makes you happy?
• Set boundaries. Don't be afraid to say no to things that you don't have time for or that aren't good for you.
• Make time for yourself. Schedule time each day to do something that you enjoy.
How to find yourself again - 5 Keys:
• Ask for help. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or other trusted professional.
• Find a hobby to enjoy. Something that you can do for yourself, without any pressure from others.
• List 5 things that stir your soul. What are the things that make you feel alive?
• Put yourself as a priority in your life. This means making time for yourself, even when it's hard.
• End your day with a gratitude list of 5 things from the day.
This will help you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. When you find yourself again, you will:
• Improve your mental health and overall well-being.
• Be able to live a life that is true to yourself.
• Be an inspiration to others.
EP3 - You Me and All Things She Podcast Working Woman
Todays show uncovers areas of being a working woman, whether you are a working mom, with a partner we are juggling so much. If you are working outside of the home or working remotely from home, the challenges can be very different. We will discuss the skills needed for success in any area as a working woman.
EP2 - You Me and All Things She Podcast Self Care
This episode is about setting boundaries for ourself to build in self-care. This will allow us to show up for those that count on us, and we love in a whole new way.
EP1 -Intro to You Me and All Things She Podcast
Let's get to know each other before we begin our journey on You, Me and All Things She. We will take a journey into all things related to being a woman! From motherhood, being a partner, and working partner to family relationships.